News24.com | 'Love alone is not enough': Here's how to make it work

• Relationship expert Paula Quinsee says love alone is not enough.
• Some principles make love work and need to be implemented in relationships.
• Being realistic, for instance, is an important principle. Your partner cannot make you happy, but they can play a role in your happiness.

The formula for falling in love and staying in love is not set in stone. In an ideal world, when two people love each other, we often think nothing can break them up, which is not always true. Love can go wrong and fade away when certain principles aren't mutually practised. 

"Love alone is not enough", relationship expert Paula Quinsee says, adding that successful relationships go through different phases. Some days our connection is strong, and we feel in love with and loved by our partner. On other days, we can be disconnected and question our relationship due to stressors such as work, family, relationships etc.

READ MORE | What does it mean when the person you are dating wants to take things slow?

 Principles to make love work: 

- Respect each other as human beings and partners, including each other's boundaries. Clearly define relationship boundaries (e.g. cheating, abusiveness etc.)

- Being honest about expectations of each other and the relationship. Clearly articulate expectations from each other and the relationship. Be realistic, for instance, your partner cannot make you happy, but they can play a role in your happiness.

- Create a safe place for each other, both physical and emotional, which involves communicating effectively and resolving conflict constructively.

- Build trust in the relationship, which enables connection and creates a strong bond between couples to work through their issues together.

According to Paula, many deeper elements need to be considered when entering into a relationship, which will determine if your relationship will likely work out. These include: 

- Value systems as different value systems can cause clashes.

- Cultural backgrounds as different cultural or traditional expectations can cause conflict.

- Religious path. Having different faiths and beliefs can cause conflict.

- Financial goals are spending vs saving, financial responsibilities etc.

- Lifestyle aspirations, e.g. hobbies, interests etc.

- Family aspirations, e.g. relationships with family, wanting children etc.

READ MORE | 5 things to keep in mind when searching for love and a solid relationship

Love needs constant work. Paula says these are ongoing discussions that couples should have throughout their lifetime together as individual and relationship needs shift and change.

"The longer we are together, the more we evolve at an individual and relational level. We, therefore, need to be able to adapt and evolve accordingly, which means continually checking in with each other to see where we are and whether we are still aligned with each other."